This isn't going to work!

I'm just not offensive enough for this blog to be successful. Sure, i find offensive stuff funny, but i'm not gonna post my own sick thoughts. I am more than willing to post other peoples thoughts though. I bring you some great quotes from some persons website, here is his intro and the quotes;

I was just lurking the SA Forums in Sociology class (shame on me) and stumbled into a thread with some good quotes made by goons (members of Something Awful). Some of them are just so funny and intelligent that I decided to post some good ones here. The only thing I’m really sorry about, is if I’m unable to give proper credits to the member I quote. Sorry!

«I wash myself in the shower with Comet and steel wool. I scrape the stubble off my face with a Ka-Bar and use gasoline for aftershave. Then I comb my hair with a live wolverine. I put crystal meth in my coffee. When I go to work, I chase down cars on foot, drag the drivers out, kill them, and then take their cars to work. When I take a smoke break, I burn Styrofoam and inhale the fumes. When I go hunting, I just stare at the deer. They follow me home and climb into my freezer. Because they know. They know.»

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Said about movie director Uwe Boll:

«The weird thing about Boll is that he says some intelligent things mixed in with the rest of his retardation. It’s like a monkey building a complex ladder to get a banana, only to then try eating it by sticking it in his ass.» – ChuckMaster

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«Wait, so you’re saying you fucked a stillborn fetus to dismemberment? And you didn’t notice? How the hell do you not notice that? I mean, I’m no gynecologist or whatever but I’m pretty sure vaginas are supposed to be empty when you fuck them, not stuffed. It’s not like a fucking peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich.» - Captain Queernabs

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«My girlfriend also loves to roleplay. Her favorite being teacher / student. Once while playing the math teacher, in the middle of sex, I yelled, “Recite the quadratic formula… and make me believe it, bitch!”» - Unknown author

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Various asshole quotes:

«Your incessant faggotry is proof that there is no God.»

«You are worthless in ways you won’t ever comprehend. I’m washing my hands of you here and now – don’t ever speak to me again.»

«Yeah? That dent in your forehead? It’s from the coathanger where your mom failed at aborting you. Coathanger poked a bunch and just jarred you around. Maybe that’s why you’re retarded.»

«You’re the perfect example of why fourth trimester abortions should be made legal.» – Unknown author

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«In a grim and windowless interrogation room I was met by two equally grim and windowless policemen.» – Unknown author

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«As a goon I am too fat to mobilize.» – Brick Hardmeat

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«I never joke about suicide or anorexia anymore, because it always leads to someone in the room starting a sentence with ‘Actually…’» – Poacher

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On Hillary Clinton:

«My big problem is that feeling I get when she speaks that somehow, the universe is slowly evaporating into a thoughtless void through unfathomable processes; it’s kind of like a Lovecraft story, but without monsters–just a sort of senseless despair. Maybe it’s only a result of my being an impressionable Southern kid in the 90s when Republican vitriol for her was really high, but whatever it is, I just don’t like it when noises come out of her mouth.» – Uknown author

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«She got even redder, but rather than resist my extreme hotness, she began to take off all of her clothes. I walked over to her, I towered over her, which wasn’t hard considering I am 6′5, 270lbs with rippling muscles. I picked her up, and threw her hard onto the bed and proclaimed, ‘the love making begins.’» – Twin Cinema

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«Nailed a fat chick on a golfcourse, behind some bushes just to the side of the 7th green. I exclaimed “HOLE IN ONE!” upon climax, hopped in the golfcart and drove away. She doesnt talk to me anymore, I wonder what happened.» – Unknown author

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«I think the most dangerous animal would be a bear, riding an elephant, stuck in rush hour traffic on the D.C. beltway. And also, the elephant’s radio is stuck on a crazy extremist talk station. The bear also has a bag of piranha that he can throw at people.» – Unknown author

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«Making love to a woman is like working on an assembly line. No matter how good you are at it, you’ll eventually be replaced by a foreigner or a machine.» – Unknown author

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«I may be a stupid faggot, but I’d be a stupid faggot that’s fucking some bitch’s feet.» – Unknown author

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«Man, if CSI came into my old apartment with a blacklight they’d have been confused as hell.» – Unknown author

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«I like it when her fingers are fatter than my dick it makes handjobs feel like I’m wrapped up in dicks» – Whalley

http://dominhate.wordpress.com/2009/01/12/something-awful-quotes/

To the maxxxxx!

After careful examination of the internet, i have discovered why this blog has failed (in some peoples eyes). It all came down to one simple fact. This blog is not offensive enough. I think, for this blog to be a success i must insult all religions, races, and genders, and i must do it often, with no regard for the social consequences. Of course, being a white male makes that tougher to do without being ostracized from the community. Oh well, that is a risk i am willing to take.

Here is enough random crap from the internet to keep you busy for a couple minutes:



I recommend you click on the image to enlarge, so you can read the signs.



Here is the greatest play in the history of mascot football, but you got to skip ahead to the 54 second mark.



Now here is the hardest hitting 6 year old football player



And finally, the first youtube video in 1080p HD, i recommend you watch it in full screen.

This blog blows!!

As most of my faithful readers will know, i am currently attending the UofM. An academic institution so fine, that they are expected to loose over 20 million dollars this year. I have no problem with this. What i take issue with is that i have 3 classes this term, in two different rooms. Neither of which have internet access. One of them was renovated 3 years ago, while the other was built last year. How does the university expect me to learn without the internet, because if they think i am going to listen to what my profs have to say, they are sadly mistaken. I asked one of my profs why we didn't get internet access, and his response was to ask me if i like the classroom, and point out how expensive it was to build. World War 2 was also expensive, but I'm not building another one of them. On that note, i leave you with possibly the best photo ever published on my blog, it comes from a zombie parade... everyone loves parades.

Bone Dry

My mind has run out of ideas. I'm unaware when exactly this happened, but it could of been about a year ago when this blog started. But that doesn't matter. I have never let a lack of ideas stand in my way, just like I won't let truth stand in the way of my beliefs. The point of this blog was to produce a higher quality of blog product from Adam Hoooblers, and in that I have succeeded, and this can not be denied. The product of Adam's blog had decreased to a point where we are better off without it. So stop complaining, this is what you are stuck with.

Today i present to you a choice, which picture is more awesome! Vote using the poll on the right.